If you’re familiar with substance use recovery and 12-step programs, the idea of “living amends” might ring a bell. When you cannot directly make up for something to the person you hurt, a living amends is a decision to change your ongoing behavior in a way that is informed by the wrongdoing. Your ‘living amends’ is living in a way that that acknowledges the previous mistake by consistently living in a way that doesn’t repeat it or compensates for it. Someone telling you not to feel guilty rarely cures guilt.
- Feelings of hopelessness and desperation began to arise.
- When someone is alive and you’ve hurt them, amends are more straightforward.
- But, by facing reality and the long-term impact of your actions, and making amends to those you’ve hurt, you’re able to make peace with the past and put it behind you and move forward.
However, even if you feel extremely motivated to make direct amends, it is advisable to take your time with this step. Make sure that you are comfortable with your progress during recovery and that both you and the other person are ready to engage in the process. Yet, to be truly successful at forgiving and releasing past wrongs, you need to go directly to the individual you’ve hurt. When you go directly to the person, real spiritual transformation is more likely to occur. No matter how much we feel the need to make things right, forcing another to meet with us or hear from us is not part of the Steps. In addiction, our actions and intentions aren’t aligned.
Don’t settle for an apology.
We likely promised to sober up in the past, only to revert to alcohol abuse or another drug of choice. Children see it all for what it is, not what we’ve promised. New Life House has helped young men stay sober for what are the consequences of a dui conviction over 35 years. We came from very humble beginnings, and would love to tell you our story of success and recovery. Practice accepting other’s responses to your efforts and remember that you have done all you can.
Be generous with your time.
What about the late nights that we kept our parents up worrying? What about the relationships we ruined, the emotional wreckage we created? Sometimes direct amends are not possible, and this is where what is sober living? come into play.
Navigating Step Nine: Living Amends
Making living amends primarily benefits you and not the people you’ve wronged in the past. It’s about making positive changes within yourself so that you don’t repeat old patterns of behavior that led to your broken relationships in the first place. The changes that occur due to your efforts positively affect your commitment to becoming a better friend, child, parent, or person all around.
What Is Step 9 of the 12-Step Program?
If you promised your son or daughter to be there to see them off to college, clean yourself up and show up. You don’t have to be the best son or daughter, and you don’t need to be an ideal parent, but you need to show up when you make promises to do so. These changes in behavior help toward the goal of reestablishing relationships or making them stronger. We know addiction isn’t a 9-5 disease, please feel free to call or text anytime, 24/7. Knowing addiction is a family disease, these 90 minute sessions are focused on healing the family through coaching, especially in the first 100 days.
It’s not one we use too frequently in our everyday language, but it still holds significant meaning. To make amends means to apologize for something you have done or for wronging someone in some way. It means mending, or (quite literally) fixing, the relationship. These promises are often the most difficult to keep because addiction plays a decisive role in a person’s ability to live up to their promises.
So, if you haven’t yet seen the results you want, give it time. My connection with my Higher Power enables me to take on life as it is without having to numb myself to endure it. Feelings of hopelessness and desperation began to arise. The problem of not knowing what I was to do next was finally solved, but I had no way of doing it.
Trust God. Clean House. Help Others.Living Amends
When choosing to make amends, exercise careful consideration of yourself and others to ensure you avoid causing further harm in your recovery efforts. Before you decide who to approach and how you intend to make amends, reflect on your efforts at recovery and the intent behind making amends. Even so, you will have done all that you can to take responsibility for the past—and there’s a level of peace and freedom in that as well. How the other person chooses to respond to our amends is out of our control. Completing Step 9 is the next step forward in recovery, regardless of how the other person responds.
I’m just not going to speak to anyone.” Avoid the temptation to get out of this step. There are three main types of amends, and it’s important to recognize which one is appropriate in a given situation. Understanding some making amends examples can help the individual correct past behaviors. But, as difficult as it is, completing this step can provide an immense sense of relief and newfound hope for the future. At the heart of this step is the need for forgiveness and restoration—forgiving yourself, forgiving others, and making amends. Today, I know my words have value whether they pay attention or not.
Making living amends goes further than giving an apology or returning things you took. Although those acts may earn you some forgiveness, they will only be lasting if you live differently. The key is to actively change your lifestyle and actions for the better. Living Amends is committed to helping people in the Austin, TX area stay sober for more extended periods of time. However, we do not pay for anyone’s entire stay in their sober living community because we also recognize each person’s need to have stakes in the process.
Many people think of making amends as simply apologizing for whatever wrongs they did in their using, however an apology is not an amend. An amend involves rectifying or making right what was wrong. For example, say that you stole $20 from your brother while you were using. In the midst of your ninth step, you say to him “I’m so sorry that I stole that money from you and used it for drugs”. A true amend would be giving him $20 back along with the apology. Unfortunately, there are many things that we do in our using that we can not rectify with tangible goods or direct amends.
What Is the Best Way to Make Amends?
Many people begin making amends as soon as they join AA. In some cases, simply opening up a conversation with a friend or family member about your history of alcohol use can begin the process demi lovato shows off new tattoo to celebrate sobriety of making amends. Another instance where making direct amends may not be a good idea is if admitting your wrongs could jeopardize your freedom, which could hurt your loved ones.
The more personalized your lifestyle changes are, the more they’re going to resonate and stick with you. People get tired of broken promises, of forgiving over and over and giving second and third, fourth, or fifth chances only to get hurt again. When you’re looking to change both your behavior and your broken relationships, stop making excuses to fulfill your promises. Soon, you’ll run out of reasons to give your loved ones why you’ve failed them once again.